Discouraged...Disgusted...Disappointed

This can easily describe the way I'm feeling right now. 

I'm discouraged with my eating/exercise habits over the last month and a half. 

I am disgusted by the things I have been eating. 

I am disappointed that I haven't been able to have more willpower and that I haven't been keeping on top of the eating/exercise. 

I have no one to blame but myself.  And the only person I'm hurting is myself. 

When will I learn to take care of me and my needs? 

When will I learn to take a little time for myself and focus on what I need and what my body needs? 

I'm not a selfish person, but maybe I need to become one. 

I have been avoiding my weekly weigh-in posts because to be honest I have weighed the same since May 14th!  This is all my fault too!  I know that I need to buckle down and really keep track of what I'm eating and how much I'm eating.  I'm finding myself stressed about little things and going to the salty chips and the sweet candy bars for comfort when I need to look elsewhere for that comfort.

I feel like my body/mind is self sabotaging itself.  It almost seems subconscious, but I know somewhere deep down it's not.  I know what I'm doing, but then it's like I look back and think, "Did I really just eat that?  I don't even think I tasted any of that!"  These are things that I haven't looked at during this journey and I'm laying it all out there for everyone who reads this to see.  I have faults and have stumbled HARD the last month and a half.  Now it's time to own up to it, move past it and try to start again.   I need to evaluate my thoughts and actions and really think about what I'm doing to my body.  I wish I could go away for a day or so and just be with my thoughts, but that's not possible right now.  I think I'm going to have to get up early in the morning and just have some time to think and time to blog about what I'm thinking/feeling.  I'm going to be hashing it out here for the everyone to see, but that was the whole point of starting this blog.  We started this to be a public journey, now I'm just letting everyone in a little deeper into what I'm feeling.  It's raw and real, but sometimes that's the way it has to be.
~Crystal